It's the summer, it's August, no work for me and plenty of time to sit and write...
The trouble is I don't really want to!
Before school finished (I'm a teaching assistant) I planned to come back from an idyllic two weeks on Zakynthos and keep my calendar clear so that I could spend whole days of the remaining four weeks doing what I wanted - writing.
My brain won't work. I spent my holiday feeling jittery as though I should be doing something else (writing?!) and I'm not sure that I like that feeling.
I have so many friends and family trying to catch up with me while I'm off work that even the thought of juggling serious writing and socialising makes me hyperventilate.
I am feeling trapped by my hopes, dreams and ambitions - and a little voice inside me is saying make the most of people while they are still around to enjoy (especially aging parents). I'm sick of feeling pulled in so many directions, the main pull being towards the laptop.
Will I write something this holiday? Maybe. Maybe not. The novel is there, in my head, but to be honest it could stay there ripening for another couple of years. I'm not sure the time is right. Maybe I'll go back to writing the occasional short story when the inspiration strikes, and give myself a break.
It's not good to be laying on a sunbed jangling because you've forgotten how to relax. I can't even read without my mind wandering. Time for something to change, I think.
Thanks for listening to my inner turmoil.
Hope you're not feeling too insecure - I'll be hopping around to find out!
Thanks as always to Alex J Cavanaugh for starting this group. You can find the full list on his blog but I'm not pasting it here because it gets longer all the time!